i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
