when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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