Your face is a jimmy john
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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