I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
