It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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