Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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