listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
