The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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