I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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