the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
