A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have aggressive nipples.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize