is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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