Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
