You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
