I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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