weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize