On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
