She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize