Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
