yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
