she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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