whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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