His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
