HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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