We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So many bounce houses so little time
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
