I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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