Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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