dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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