my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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