Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sext me about skeletons
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
