Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
