So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
