I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
