I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
