i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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