AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
