Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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