And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
