on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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