Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
