For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
