I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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