so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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