dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize