He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
