new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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