I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
