dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
