does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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