Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the day after is always just damage control
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
