Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We need to get me chipped asap
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
