The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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