Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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