So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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