i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
