wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the day after is always just damage control
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
