Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
