Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want to fling myself into the sun
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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