last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
high people should be assigned attendants
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
