You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
