We're facebook friends in real life
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
