The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize