This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
