remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize