It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
