i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
