I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
