Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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