It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
