i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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