when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
