I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
