We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I believe in your delicious
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
