I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
