I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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