i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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