we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
