It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drake has all the answers
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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