I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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