doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
