We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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