The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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