i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
